


Nobody Knows

by ccandycait



Category: GOT7
Genre: his solo is worrying me a bit, just a short drabble based on his solo, mentions other members but that's it, more feelings than anything, slight angst, um im sorry this is the first thing ive written anything, word vomit, youngjae feeling sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-12 22:22:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16004507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ccandycait/pseuds/ccandycait
Summary: In the end, all the people are the same. What they want from him is all the same. They think it's easy, but... they're so wrong.Drabble based on Youngjae's solo, "Nobody Knows".





	Nobody Knows

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first fic and im a little nervous uploading it and stuff but hfdsjfnx uwu i hope it's not that bad. i'll do the other boys' solos too, it's just that once i read youngjae's lyrics, i HAD to write this out. thank you ~~

It’s another night without twinkling lights in the sky, without the friends that he was used to spending his nights with. It isn’t terrible, Youngjae loves living with his brother, but nights like this lead his thoughts somewhere else. Especially when he’s supposed to be writing his solo...  
He has no ideas. His inspiration was gone, and it made him feel a little less… motivated. It’s honestly so difficult to do these sorts of things, and he doesn’t think that people understand. Even though he’s written music before, it’s still a little more difficult than it should be, now.

He would ask for help, but he didn’t think that it would be that easy. They all have different thoughts, but they’ll all give Youngjae the same answer… his group members will tell him that they could help later after finishing their own song, and if he asked his fans for ideas, he would just be told to follow whatever it was his heart was telling him. They thought that it was easy…

Everybody’s the same, in the end. Nobody really understood how difficult his life his.  
No, he wouldn’t say that he didn’t want to live the life that he had. He enjoyed making music, performing, spending time with his best friends in the world. Why would he despise something like that? No, why would he despise his career in the first place when he’s a boy that has everything?

They’re wrong. They’re all so wrong. Yes, Youngjae has friends who love him, a great career that was keeping him upright, enough money that he shouldn’t be unhappy, right? That’s what they all think. But nobody truly knows. If you’re not an idol, you wouldn’t know how difficult it was. Nobody knows.  
They think it’s so easy… they think, “Wow, he must be happy,”. Well, they’re wrong.

Nobody knows how he must hide his feelings all the time. Nobody knows that when he’s feeling sick, unhappy, depressed… he still has to perform. He has to go on that stage and sing his heart out even when he doesn’t want to.  
And they think that his friendships, his relationships are all perfect – but they’re wrong. It’s not like they don’t argue. The group… it’s impossible for anybody to go so long without getting mad with someone. Their bond is strong, but they have arguments. He wouldn’t give his friends – his brothers up for the world, but his relationships are not perfect. And it’s at times like this that he feels the most alone.

It’s at times like this, where he sits at the desk in his room that he has to think. Since he moved out of the dorms, he’s had a lot of time to think. When he’s home, anyways. Since he used to share a room with Jaebum, it wasn’t as bad as it was now. Sure, he shared a place with his brother, but Youngjae was used to sleeping with someone else in the room like he had with his elder for a few years. So now he just sits in silence, reading through the comments on their videos.  
They point out how tired he looks, how forced he sometimes looks on camera – and he worries. It’s not his fault, is it? They don’t know, they just don’t know how difficult it is.  
He’s lonely, but they don’t know that. He has many friends so how could he be lonely?

He’s sad, but they don’t know that. How can he be unhappy with the career he has?

They think it’s so easy, but they’re wrong. They don’t know how tiring it is, waking up early, traveling to schedules, filming, writing music, recording, spending so much time in the presence of other people…  
Youngjae is a people person, yes. He gets energy from spending time with his friends, from laughing and playing around and just being themselves. But everyone has a breaking point… And he’s noticed it with the others, too. They’re all excited for their comeback, which is coming in a few days, and they’re all so happy to be doing something after their tour. But he can tell that they've all taken some sort of toll.

The stress of writing a solo was one. Youngjae’s written music before, but it’s still not the easiest thing to do. He can see BamBam thinking things over so often, writing things down on his arm so he doesn’t forget them later. He can see Yugyeom asking for help with dark circles under his eyes, and he even sees Jinyoung dragging a bit lately.  
It’s been difficult, but they’re all still happy.

That’s why it’s hard to explain. He has his friends, his career, so why isn’t on top of the world? Youngjae can’t answer that question, he thinks to himself as he leans his head on his arms. Chocolate – brown hues are directed towards his window, looking at the dark, starless sky of Seoul. 

He’s unhappy because he feels alone in his ways, maybe. He tends to feel less intelligent than the others in a lot of circumstances, a little more immature… Yes, he’s part of the maknae line, but the oldest of them. And when he has elders like Jaebum, Mark, Jinyoung – even Jackson, sometimes –, he can’t help but feel a little incompetent. Jinyoung is great at getting his message across in his music, and his personality is funny and relatable. Jackson has so much talent, promoting a career in China and creating his own solo songs. Jaebum is just… amazing in general, a great leader, an excellent songwriter, and an overall inspiring figure. When Youngjae is surrounded with people like that… it’s hard to realize his own self – worth, even if he has so much.  
Everything’s the same. Everyone’s the same. They all want the same thing from him, things that Youngjae will do. Things that he’ll do to keep them happy, things that he’ll do to keep his sanity. He doesn’t want to quit his career, but sometimes he wishes that it was simply easier.

They think it’s so easy for him, but they’re wrong. 

Nobody knows. They don’t know anything about him. He’s lonely, he’s by himself. He doesn’t want to show anyone. He’s been hiding it. He doesn’t want to see the expressions of pity… he’ll just overcome it by himself.  
And that’s what got him to set his pencil on paper and begin writing. He wrote and wrote and wrote, his thoughts unorganized on paper, tears spilling onto lined notebook parchment. He scribbled down his feelings, his thoughts, about how nobody understood how difficult it was. 

And that was going to be his song, no matter how dark their fans would think it was.  
It was very difficult. But Youngjae would keep going because this was the career he chose.  
He was still happy, in some ways. The laughter that spilled out of his mouth and lit up the room sometimes; those weren’t fake. The smiles and adoring looks he gave his members were never fake. The hugs they gave and moments they shared… those were always real.

He’d get over this by himself, it’s probably just… pre-comeback feelings, or something like that.  
He’d survive.


End file.
